He can ski barefoot from the dock without getting splinters in his behind.
He doesn’t have to use the port–a–potty.
He doesn’t look dumb in a tank top
He trademarked (patented?) the phrase “God is madly in love witcha..”
Mosquitoes don’t bite him.
When he asks Nathan, “Whatcha doing?” Nathan actually answers with enlightening answers.
He can get Stick to tell a joke
Margaret and Ted Henken Sr. bought him 2 cars
He wants YOU to know he knows YOU put the bad word on the mirror
He can cut down a tree without spark plugs or breaking the dock in two
He can make the boat start every time.
He swims inside the swimming area because he wants to.
He has never peed in the river.
He will wake up the Big Guy from a nap without being scared.
He can do math facts faster than Big John Henken.
He speaks with Jia in Chinese, and yes they are talking about you.
When he plays games with Aunt Margaret, SHE learns something.
He has twice as many tools as Marty.
He has won the Mr. Slidell title 40 years in a row.
He once swam to Jenkins Memory and back in less than an hour. He only had to kill 3 alligators on the way.
He is the one who lives in the big house across the river.
He can dance without pointing his fingers.
Feel free to change/add/remove! Maybe he can be the Pabst Blue Ribbon Guy instead of the Dos Equis Man.